Tag Archives: friendship

Some of my favourite memories.

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Finally I have a fully operating laptop, not one that decides to explode half way through an essay, so I’m back! A lot has happened, I won’t bore you with the details but the long and short of it is I’m single for the first time in 3 years and I’m at that awkward stage where one minute I want to run down the road naked and the next I want to cry into a pint of ben and jerrys. Having to bottle up my feelings at school and act as if I don’t care that I mean nothing to the one person who I trusted with my life is such a wierd feeling. Sometimes I genuinely feel ok because he’s been such a twat and I deserve so much more, and I feel happy in a way that I can do what I want and not have to justify it to anyone, or listen to the horrible and hurtful things he says without thinking. But then I start thinking, missing hearing him laugh and holding my hand and it floods back. So I’ve been doing my best to keep busy and distracted but this is one I thought I’d share. For the past couple of days I’ve been transferring all my images from my dinosaur of a PC to my grand-spanking new one and, me being the sentimental, soppy idiot that I am, have decided to publish some of my favourites. This has certainly cheered me up if nothing else…

Holly and I.

Holly and I.

Snuggles with baby bro.

Snuggles with baby bro.

My cousins are just incredible.

My cousins are just incredible.

Lucas and I with Holly and Willow.

Lucas and I with Holly and Willow.

Tubing is so much fun, even if I did nearly lose a nipple.

Tubing is so much fun, even if I did nearly lose a nipple.

That water.

That water.

Photobombing with Pina Coladas's since 2010

Photobombing with Pina Coladas’s since 2010

Bad asses with temporary tats on a floating bar, this was the day I learned that most men are pigs.

Bad asses with temporary tats on a floating bar, this was the day I learned that most men are pigs.

There is a hole in the boat.

There is a hole in the boat.

Cousins jumping into barracuda infested water.

Cousins jumping into barracuda infested water.

At a full moon party in Antigua.

At a full moon party in Antigua.

Body boarding is such a rush.

Body boarding is such a rush.

Bude with my girls.

Bude with my girls.

First time riding a horse.

First time riding a horse.

In my favourite place ever, Bude.

In my favourite place ever, Bude.

Made a mermaid on a beach and got a medal.

Made a mermaid on a beach and got a medal.

Twerkin since 11.

Twerkin since 11.

I don't care if Guy is in this picture, this pretty much sums up our family.

I don’t care if Guy is in this picture, this pretty much sums up our family.

Selfie with Cyprus.

Selfie with Cyprus.

Sitting in an estuary in Doniford bay.

Sitting in an estuary in Doniford bay.

Eating Eggy bread in France.

Eating Eggy bread in France.

That time in first school when I dressed up as Cruella Devil for non uniform day.

That time in first school when I dressed up as Cruella Devil for non uniform day.

Selfie with London bridge.

Selfie with London bridge.

Selfie with London.

Selfie with London.

With my hero Jim Carrey, regardless if he is made of wax.

With my hero Jim Carrey, regardless if he is made of wax.

Fishing at 10.

Fishing at 10.

Leanne and I on a fishing trip in Devon.

Leanne and I on a fishing trip in Devon.

My first boyfriend, a holiday romance- he was genuinely a lovely person.

My first boyfriend, a holiday romance- he was genuinely a lovely person.

Mother and I on a "sea saw"

Mother and I on a “sea saw”

Epic tan line in Turkey.

Epic tan line in Turkey.

How grand were my boobies at 12!

How grand were my boobies at 12!

At a water park in Turkey.

At a water park in Turkey.

Nan and puppy Solo.

Nan and puppy Solo.

The lovely ladies in my life.

The lovely ladies in my life.

First holiday with Dad.

First holiday with Dad.

That time Katie and I made a pig cake.

That time Katie and I made a pig cake.

My cousin is probably my favourite person in the world.

My cousin is probably my favourite person in the world.

I was a stylish baby.

I was a stylish baby.

Old buddies.

Old buddies.

My first day of high school and Lu's first day of middle school.

My first day of high school and Lu’s first day of middle school.

RIP our fab trampoline.

RIP our fab trampoline.

My weird ass family, please ignore my knickers.

My weird ass family, please ignore my knickers.

Manipulation.

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You ever been in a situation that has made you so angry at someone’s stupidity and blindness to what they are doing? That’s me right now, so prepare yourself for a bitchy rant. I’m not much of a bitcher, but this has really annoyed me so I’m going to get it out.

Oxford dictionary defines manipulation as the control or influence over a person or situation cleverly or unscrupulously, which sums it up pretty well but its much more than that. It is a very dangerous tool that people have learned to master in order to get what they want. The reason I’m bringing this up now is because a friend of mine had recently broken up with her boyfriend, a complete and utter tool who controlled her every move. Apart from going to work, she’s not allowed to go out and live her life without his permission. He had to know where she was, what she was doing and who she was with 24/7 and if she did something without his say so, he’d twist the situation around and make her feel like she was in the wrong and so she’d apologise to him, beg for his forgiveness. Now that is manipulation. Anyway, they broke up because she couldn’t stand it anymore- understandable and we all stood by her. However, after a drunken evening at my place she foolishly invited him round, took him up to my bed room and had a quick fling. In my bed. Needless to say they were kicked out before either of them could button up their jeans, but now I’m in a really tough situation.

On the one hand, she was very drunk, unaware of what she was doing and didn’t purposely have sex with him in my bed (he has made it apparent to me that it was him that suggested it) and I’m more than sure that he is a manipulative bastard who will have told her what she wanted to hear in the moment. Probably promised her he’s changed or some other bullshit but when you’re drunk any form of positive comment can give you the urge to whip of their clothes.

On the other hand, she has shown a complete and utter lack of respect for me, but more importantly herself. And I’m not just talking about having sex in someone else’s bed, but also getting back together with someone who tried to control her every move. We’ve tried talking to her about it before- she’s stunning and could do so much better- yet she settles for this low life who has got her into smoking and convinces her to shag in inappropriate places. Not only this, but she hasn’t apologised to me for her actions. The boy has sent me a long winded and incredibly patronising message apologising on her behalf, but honestly if she was a decent friend and a good person at least then she should have the decency to at least show some regret for what she has done. Having said that, no amount of “sorry” will get the image of his balls on my bed sheet out of my head. I had to sleep in that bed for Christ sake.

Anyway, this wasn’t just intended for a rant, although I do feel a lot better having got that off my chest. I have been on the receiving end of a manipulative relationship for a very long time. The funny and incredibly ironic danger is I didn’t know it was happening. That’s how good he was at it. For years things went on and because I was told it was fine- it was fine. Fortunately I don’t have to live with it any more, although I’m afraid the effects of this on my mental health will probably be long term, but it really does make you think. If you were living with someone who made you do something that wasn’t pleasant or natural in any way, but at the same time showed you love and attention that you crave at a young age- does it become ok? I know now that it wasn’t ok, but had it have carried on would I be any different, would I still be blind to how wrong it was? Scary to think, and that’s what I’m worried about with my friend. She says they’ve got into fights bad enough that there has been physical violence. And that’s definitely not ok.

I don’t know, I’m at cross roads. I want to talk to her and try to convince her that she can do better and what he’s done/doing isn’t acceptable or normal in any relationship. I want her to be happy and she’d definitely not happy the majority of the time their together. But at the same time, she doesn’t seem to want help. I’ve talked to her before and told her that she doesn’t have to put up with this stalking and obsessive behaviour and she’s agreed 100%, but goes straight back to him and invites him back with open arms. She loves him, its a weird love that I can only describe as she loves the undivided- and I mean undivided attention she gets, which is scarily similar to how I felt. I don’t think she’ll ever leave him. Its just incredibly frustrating seeing what’s happened to me before happen to someone else and they don’t want to get out. The best way I can deal with this is exclude myself from the situation, if I cant see it- it wont bring back those memories. Even if that means losing a friend.

But hey, what type of friend shags their ex butt naked in their mates bed anyway? No friend of mine.